Motherhood stole my brain, my blog and my body...but, I'm not complaining...

It was nearly a year ago since I was laid off from my job and reassigned to the home office. Being a full-time stay-at-home-mom or SAHM (I've assimilated to the lingo) was not in my plan. I was career focused. I loved my job. I loved my baby and my husband, too, but I wasn't prepared to have my entire life revolve around them. I thought that being at home all the time would result in the loss of my identity, feeling of purpose in the world and a loss of why hygiene and grooming are important. Indeed, all of these things have happened. I was prepared to be Superwoman. I was prepared to be a career woman as well as a wife and a mother. I wasn't ready for the loneliness, isolation and total loss of social skills that has come with being alone with a small child most of the time. In a small crisis of self-esteem and worth, I have found myself asking, "is being just a mom and wife enough for me? Even if I'm really good at it?"

So, why not finish a Master's degree, have and raise two children and start my own business all at once? What else am I going to do with my 30's anyway?

Oh, god help me...

I'm sitting in front of my laptop. I have books, papers, notes, references of various kinds spread all over the couch. I'm working on my midterm paper half-heartedly. I was a supremely skilled procrastinator durning my days of undergrad at SCSU. I realize in the rational part of my brain that I cannot do that with a grad level class and honestly expect to pass. That said, I have the Sox v. Indians game on (on mute, naturally) across the room and the sound of Tiva snoring, lulling me into a semi-dream state, on the blanket next to me. Proof that tonight is just not the night for me to be writing an academic paper came a few minutes ago when I found that I had written the following:

"The future of the nonprofit sector is glowing and bright, cheery and lime in the coconut, drink it all up. Nonprofits need to prepare for the future by buying lots of rum. "

I think I'll go to bed now. After the baseball game, of course. The midterm will have to wait.